i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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