I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
