I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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