His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
