don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
