Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
