I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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