you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
