omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize