Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize