I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
