Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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