dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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