low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
wow bdsm is so cute
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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