I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There are leaves in my underwear?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
