I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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