Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize