She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
