Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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