You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
