I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
