Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
