I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
