oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize