did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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