And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
