Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
