He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
