Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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