I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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