"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
