the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
