hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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