Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize