I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
