Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you made out with another girl for some wings
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
