sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
