i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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