i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
