He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
