saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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