I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize