Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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