I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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