Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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