At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
