You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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