Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
