WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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