I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
