currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize