an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
