About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
