No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
