my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
