We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i think i just lost a toe
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
