It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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