fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bring me that man meat
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize