It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
