may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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