theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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