We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
