we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
