I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
