When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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