thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i will never coherently bang her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
