We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize