It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
