dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
