I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
