i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize