The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
