STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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