Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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