NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she peed on how many people?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
