At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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