The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
