Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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