Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
