He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
