i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
