K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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