C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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