just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
