I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize