How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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