my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
