"it" just moved
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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