I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
