Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
