Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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