As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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