Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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