During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
