Did you just see the Batmobile???
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
