that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
