Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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