just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize